My Own Personal Pulse

Can I tell you a secret about myself? ...........The music never stops. Never. For as long as I have truly been a child of Christ--having a personal relationship with him, the music has become eternally ongoing. If anyone were to ask me what this might mean, my honest answer would have be, "I have absolutely no idea. There is no rational explanation!"

The strings with their rich harmonic tones paired with the clear and open voices of angels belonging to purity. The ringing of arpeggios, chord progressions, and gracenotes bouncing off the walls throughout a vastly elongated corridor. The acoustic bliss of an ebony, heavenly piano with its ivory keys so gently being worked by fingers belonging to a maestro. The sensational, awe-inspiring a cappella voices of God's angels of might and valor. The overwhelming chill of the soul acquired only from the beauty of a full orchestra with their utmost songs for His highest.

It NEVER ends! The music is always there. It's not something I come up with or compose in my head, it's simply God's gift to my artistic brain that won't relent. It is almost as if Jesus himself composes these most beautiful songs, and in turn releases them in delicate light of my soul; the inmost parts of my being.

Because of him, I hear the intensely complex rhythms concealed in the pitter patter of the falling rain. I hear a song in the dribbling of a basketball. I am embraced by the wind and it's colorful refrain; all the instruments it possesses; even those not of this earth. I hear a song in the clashing of waves, in the cry of an infant, in the crackling of the fire, in rustling of the trees. There is music in all of it, but most significant of all I hear a song in the person of Jesus. When I spend time with him, it is like the music immediately skyrockets from background music to an infinite masterpiece of impeccable, creative art. And oddly enough, this is the only way I am able to hear Jesus speak to me. I only hear him through fullness and thickness; I can only hear when the music is loudest.

My brain has always worked in a quirky artistic way that I feel no one else understands. Because of my past, I have learned to embrace it and love the mind that God has given me; to be proud of one's own entitled diversity. The truth is, when the music is most intense I am most close with God. When the music is most strikingly bold, those are the times I am enabled to think clearest. The songs that Jesus works so effortlessly to compose in my head are those in which I live daily and hear without ceasing. The music I have been given is the only thing that keeps me sane.

Only through these heavenly compositions can I stay in tune with God's plan, keep in time with his rhythm, and dance to the bass of his everlasting pulse that beats deeply within my heart.

Literally.