My Own Personal Pulse

Can I tell you a secret about myself? ...........The music never stops. Never. For as long as I have truly been a child of Christ--having a personal relationship with him, the music has become eternally ongoing. If anyone were to ask me what this might mean, my honest answer would have be, "I have absolutely no idea. There is no rational explanation!"

The strings with their rich harmonic tones paired with the clear and open voices of angels belonging to purity. The ringing of arpeggios, chord progressions, and gracenotes bouncing off the walls throughout a vastly elongated corridor. The acoustic bliss of an ebony, heavenly piano with its ivory keys so gently being worked by fingers belonging to a maestro. The sensational, awe-inspiring a cappella voices of God's angels of might and valor. The overwhelming chill of the soul acquired only from the beauty of a full orchestra with their utmost songs for His highest.

It NEVER ends! The music is always there. It's not something I come up with or compose in my head, it's simply God's gift to my artistic brain that won't relent. It is almost as if Jesus himself composes these most beautiful songs, and in turn releases them in delicate light of my soul; the inmost parts of my being.

Because of him, I hear the intensely complex rhythms concealed in the pitter patter of the falling rain. I hear a song in the dribbling of a basketball. I am embraced by the wind and it's colorful refrain; all the instruments it possesses; even those not of this earth. I hear a song in the clashing of waves, in the cry of an infant, in the crackling of the fire, in rustling of the trees. There is music in all of it, but most significant of all I hear a song in the person of Jesus. When I spend time with him, it is like the music immediately skyrockets from background music to an infinite masterpiece of impeccable, creative art. And oddly enough, this is the only way I am able to hear Jesus speak to me. I only hear him through fullness and thickness; I can only hear when the music is loudest.

My brain has always worked in a quirky artistic way that I feel no one else understands. Because of my past, I have learned to embrace it and love the mind that God has given me; to be proud of one's own entitled diversity. The truth is, when the music is most intense I am most close with God. When the music is most strikingly bold, those are the times I am enabled to think clearest. The songs that Jesus works so effortlessly to compose in my head are those in which I live daily and hear without ceasing. The music I have been given is the only thing that keeps me sane.

Only through these heavenly compositions can I stay in tune with God's plan, keep in time with his rhythm, and dance to the bass of his everlasting pulse that beats deeply within my heart.

Literally.

The Mysteries of Christ

Recently as I have been pondering the mystique of God, He has revealed a few things to me in my quiet time that have absolutely blown me away. It all started with a thought: "What if God wasn't mysterious? What if we understood everything about Him; all his ways, his plans, his wisdom, his love? What if we were capable of fully grasping His person?"

Then I dug deeper as I looked back on all the times I had worshiped and praised Him. What might have been some of my thoughts at those times in complete joy and awe of His presence? Then it hit me. Although I did not know it, all those times I had actually been acknowledging the mysterious nature of God-- the fact that His ways are higher than mine, that He is holy, pure, blameless, and BEAUTIFUL! And honestly, I don't get it. I just don't understand Him. I don't understand how one being could perfectly possess all heavenly attributes, and have such a vivid imagination as to diversely create each star, each blade of grass, each animal, and each person. I never in a million years would have the capacity to spark an idea even remotely close to what He has already carried out and finished! But that's just it. My "aha moment" was when I realized that that's why I worship. It's because I don't understand the heighth of His ways, and I long to have fellowship with my Daddy. (:

The truth is, if I did fully understand Him, I wouldn't need Him. If I grasped 100% of who He was, we would be equal in thinking, equal in wisdom, equal in holiness. There would be no way to fully understand Him without being just like him; equal in everything. In light of this, just as man understands man, man cannot fully understand God in a way that is perfect as He understands us. My dependence upon God remains standing because of the mystery of His presence evident in my life, and remains in tact because in reality, Jesus and I are not equal. This has been so humbling to find in my walk with God! He has grown in me because of these words He has spoken to my heart that I am sharing with you now. Quite blatantly, without Jesus I would be nothing. NOTHING!

When I decided to become a Christian, I didn't realize that I would be in for the ride of my life. However, now that I am here in this place I ask God to lead me all of my days so that I can become more like Him with each passing breath. He has vastly different plans for my life than I have planned for myself, and I find that I begin to see God's plan when I fully surrender and completely put my trust in Him although I cannot see Him. I will blindly follow the sound of His voice, soaking in the love and peace that surpasses all understanding. I just have to click the "pause" button on the world, silence it, and listen for God's soft, mysterious whispers that are meant to lead me throughout life. Although I am technically blind because I cannot physically see God, I still have my ears as well as my soul. My soul has spiritual eyes that Jesus has so graciously opened to Himself, and these will be forever fixed on the Holy Spirit of power and love. May I never lose sight of the mysteries of Christ.